The Car is Hell

This past weekend we took a trip to visit the Michigan grandparents - a five hour drive one way. Maggie is 17 months old. And I have approximately 17 reasons why taking a toddler on a five hour car ride is a bad idea.

1. 17 month olds wear diapers. While crazy lady astronuts in Texas may enjoy sitting in their own pee-pee for a nice long ride across state lines, not a good decision for anyone that wants to keep their toddlers tush from turning the color of a strawberry.

2. 17 month olds get bored quickly. Hey Maggie, look at this book, then look at this see-and-say, then look at this dolly, then look at this plastic-do-hickey, then look at the owners manual of the car, then look at this bag of ketchup from the drive thru, then look at mamas cell phone, etc, etc, etc.

3. 17 month olds cry. And now they are old enough to know what they are crying about, so they can make it especially distracting and life-threateningly loud.

4. 17 month olds get hungry. Often. Goldfish, sippy cup, pretzels, chicken nuggets, banana, don't be surprised if you get in my car two months from now and say, "What is that smell", and I pull out a half eaten cup of Dora the Explorer yogurt from beneath your seat.

5. Post trip baby diarrhea. Ew.

6. "Uh oh!" I dropped my binky! "Uh oh!" I dropped my binky again! "Uh oh!" Again! Uh oh! (you get the picture)

7. When you have a toddler in the back seat trying to figure out how to undo her car seat straps, hitting traffic in the last hour of the trip feels like your dog just died.

8. Hour one.

9. Hour two.

10. Hour three.

11. Hour four.

12. Hour five.

13. Can my kid catch many diseases from dirty Wendy's highchairs? How many, and are they curable?

14. Please GOD no detours!

15. Please GOD no more verses of "Wheels on the Bus"

16. What kind of moron puts a deadline on a car trip with a child? THIS moron, that's who! (pick up the dogs from the kennel by 5pm or it will cost you an extra fifty bucks)

17. 3 hours of peek-a-boo in the back seat. The game that never gets old... to a toddler.

We will never, ever again... yeah right, we're doing it again Labor Day weekend.

(we love you Grandparents, can't you move closer?) :)