Speech Impediment

I told Maggie she was a Smarty Pants the other day. I knew she was going to refute this fact, she always says, "I'm not a (fill in the blank), I'm a Peyton Dog!" I don't know why she would want to be a neurotic, hyper-active pain-in-the-ass Peyton Dog, but to each her own. Anyhoo...

"Maggie, you're a Smarty Pants."
"I'm not a Farty Pants, I'm a Peyton Dog!"
He he he...
"Honey, say Sssss-marty Pants."
"Fffff-arty Pants. Farty pants. I'm not a farty pants!"
Ha ha! Did I mention she has a bit of trouble says "S", comes out as "F" nine times out of ten. Farty pants, farty pants, farty pants! Equally appropriate description.

Stage Moms

So, the dance recital. If you watched the little video in the previous post, you know that there really wasn't much dancing. It was really more like a chaos recital. Maggie takes dance through the parks department at the moment, and although they offer classes for all age groups it seems that most of the students are under eight years old. Pretty much every performance included one teacher demonstrating the dance on-stage, two helpers corralling wanderers, three kids actually doing the dance, while four more stand and stare off into space, and five run in circles. All you need now is the partridge and it's like a Christmas carol gone horribly wrong.

In spite of the ridiculousness of the situation, or possibly because of it, I was very proud of Maggie that afternoon. She didn't cry, she didn't run off the stage, she attempted to follow the teacher and even managed to do a little of the dance and wave at the end. She was very proud as well and beaming from ear to ear. She was great... but let me tell you about the stage mom, she sucked.

First of all, Stage Mom (SM) was very proud of herself because she got to be in the opening "party scene" of the recital. It involved choreography and everything. It was pretty lame by all accounts, but she was all a twitter about it afterward. The lights! The crowd! Oh la la! This was my first clue that she sucked. Second: eyeliner on a two year old. She was the ONLY mother that put EYELINER ON HER TWO YEAR OLD! Blush and lip gloss as well! Third clue, her kid comes over to Maggie and shoves her. Maggie looks at me aghast and SM comes up and says, to Maggie, "Oh, it's OK honey, she's just playing, she has a big brother." Tears quickly welled up in Maggie's eyes and I pull her up into my arms to calm.... calm myself because I'm THIS close to shoving the woman and telling her, "Oh, it's OK, you suck!"

I was pleased to see, when the kids hit the stage, no matter how much eyeliner or blush you use to help your kid stand out on stage ("She's a STAR!"), what really makes her stand out is the fact that she's eating the fake snow and frantically attempting to launch herself off the end of the stage. And my little au naturel girl was standing politely in the middle of the stage, waiting for her chance to shine. Have fun Stage Mom!

Dance Recital

Maggie's first dance recital! She did great! She stayed on stage, without Mommy, didn't cry, and didn't hurt herself. What more can you ask for? My next post will be alllll about the creepy mom that put eye-liner on her two-year-old before she sent her out on stage, look forward to it. In the meantime, watch my kid!

Merry Christmas!

Consider this your Christmas Card (stamps are expensive...and um, I'm lazy). Happy Holidays from our family with love!

Dear Santa

Last year my nephew really, really wanted a Batman castle for Christmas. I don't think anyone fully appreciated the extent of his desire though, because Christmas came and went with no Batman castle under the tree*. Santa had let him down, the letter he wrote, the lap time he logged, and no Batman castle. So this year he decided to hedge his bets. Here is the letter he wrote to Santa (that I spied on his coffee table yesterday afternoon).

Dear Santa,

This year I want to be surprised.

That's it. That's the letter. I suppose there is very little disappointment if you are non-specific in your request. I hope you don't mind me sharing this story Auntie Sarah, I was just sitting here thinking about it and giggling.

*he did eventually recieve the Batman castle, for his birthday.

On a Roll

We finally have a semi-mobile baby around here. Miss Rolly-Polly mastered rolling front to back and back to front about a week ago. She still hates being on her stomach though, so when she does roll over from her back she gets all pissed off and nearly suffocates herself in the carpet or mattress or whatever she's laying on. I've had to save her on a daily basis. Baby Hari Kari, fabulous.

'Tis the Season

So I was driving down Hwy 41 today, where the speed limit is 45 and everyone drives 60. I was in the right lane waiting to reach my exit and was crawling along behind someone in a crappy old Civic going 30 MPH. I was close to the exit so I couldn't really pass him, but I watched as everyone else did, including a semi-truck and a dump truck. When I reached my exit I was actually able to get ahead of him, and as I went up the ramp I just had to take a peak at who could possibly be driving like such a moron on a Monday morning. Imagine my surprise when I looked over and saw none other than SANTA CLAUS driving the crappy Civic! Seriously, the guy had to be at least 65 years old, had a long white beard and mustache, and was WEARING A RED SANTA HAT! I suppose if you drive like an idiot during the Holiday season it really is in your best interest to take advantage of very Santa-ish looks. Who can flip off Santa? Not me... not today.