This Moron is Smarter Than He Looks

I, of course, am talking about my big, dumb dog, Steve. Every morning when we wake up (because of course my dogs sleep with us, because of course I am fond of dog hair in my sheets), I take my time getting ready for the day. It's one of the only times of day when I may (*may) have a little time to myself. I watch the news and hopefully take a shower while I wait for the girls to get up.

Cate is usually up first and we wait for Maggie. But some mornings, Steve decides he doesn't want to wait. He decides to go wake her up by shoving his big wet nose in her face and "poking" her. She HATES this, but she wakes up (crying).

I think Steve knows that if everyone else is up, then the only person we're waiting for before we can go downstairs is Maggie. So he trots in there and tells her "Wake up! We need to go downstairs now! Poke!" I wish I could commend him for this one time he actually uses his brain - but dang Steve, let Senorita Cranky Pants get her sleep!

Before I forget...

Before I forget, let me tell you about Catie. I looked at the calendar the other day and realized that she is now over three months old, no more newborn. Sad. I also realized that I'm on the verge of forgetting all about this version of her. My brain is so busy retaining the information I need handy for future endeavors (like the next grocery trip, when pre-school tuition is due, which bills to pay next) that it lets go of the past quickly to free up more room. This means that not only do I completely forget what I had for dinner last night, but I also stand to loose some very important details regarding the cuteness of one Baby Bird.

Let's start with that nickname. Baby Bird has been the only one that's really stuck, although I think I might change it to Baby Goose, or Baby Ostrich, or some other larger variation on the theme. Catie is ENORMOUS compared to her sister at this age. She has the gushy, squishy baby thighs that everyone loves, she's soft like a little pillow and sometimes I wish I could hold her chubby little cheek to mine forever. She is smiley and happy, a very content little girl - which is good because her sister is hardly ever content and I think Cate knows that Mommy can only deal with one diva at a time.

Cate's head is the size of a planetoid. She has a little trouble keeping it from bobbling around, so even though she enjoys sitting upright now she is fighting a loosing battle with gravity and she often finds herself checking out the grain of the hardwood floor.

As far as entertainment goes, I think Catie's favorite thing in the world is getting her diaper changed. Some kids scream bloody murder when they get their nappy changed, but not Cate. She smiles and giggles and coos, you just can't help yourself - you HAVE to blow raspberries on her belly while changing her diaper, that smile is like a tractor beam pulling mommy lips to baby belly.

I honestly can't think of a single downside to this darling. Well - maybe that she's not totally sleeping through the night yet (only every other night or so), so that kind of sucks. I am knocking on wood as I say this... how did I get so lucky?

I love you Catie!

Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter

I can't help it, I have a dirty mind. In college I had a teachers assistant that was from Greece and everytime she would tell the class to "focus" her accent made it sound like "f*ck us" and I would have to swallow back the laughter, my eyes begin to water just thinking about it! So it should be no surprise when I tell you that Maggie had us practically rolling on the floor last night....

Daddy to a fussy Caitie: "Baby bird, you sure do know how to squawk!"
Maggie the mimic: "Cock?"
Daddy: "No sweetie, SQUAWK."
Maggie: "Cock, cock, cock!"

Restraunteur

You know you take your two-year-old out to eat too often when you have the following conversation...

At RJ's Eatery:

"Maggie, are you done eating? Can the waitress take it away?"

"Hmmm, just get it in a box mom, take it home."

Spontaneous Day-O-Fun

I was feeling adventurous today, so I decided to do the unthinkable: take the girls into the city. All. By. Myself. Actually, this is only unthinkable because of the bathroom logistics. Bathrooms in the city tend to be small, and sometimes lack changing tables, neither is favorable when you have both a kid too small to hoist herself onto the toilet and another kid too small to do anything other than lie like a slug in your arms. So aside from that unthinkable bit, the city is the perfect random "special big girl day".

We had planned to go see the dolphins at the Shedd aquarium. I talked about it the entire drive downtown, Maggie was totally psyched... until we got to the parking garage and found out the aquarium closed early that day (1:00pm, the exact time of our arrival). My solution to this problem - which could easily have caused a full-blown melt down - really should be something I include in my resume under "good problem solver" and "able to think outside the box". I said, "Oh darn, the dolphins have to take a bath today! We can't see them right now after all. But we can see the dinosaurs LIKE CALLIOU DID." That last bit was the most important part, I could have just said, "blah, blah, blah, CALLIOU, blah," and it would have had the same effect. (for those of you who have not yet had the pleasure, Calliou is the bane of my existence, an annoying, bald, whiny, cartoon kid on PBS).

So off to the Field Museum to see the dinosaurs, which was actually pretty great because it just happened to be free admission Tuesday. And I think there were extra dinosaurs there because their primary dino is having an anniversary or something.

On the way back to the parking garage, after a fun day at the museum, I was starting to feel a little nostalgic, thinking about how much fun it used to be to live in Chicago, how different it was from the suburbs. But then I paid my parking. I don't think all the cosmopolitan parents around me appreciated my use of expletives. But I'm sorry, spending more on parking in one afternoon than I spent on groceries last week - yeah, I think I'll stay in the burbs where I belong. Ah, but those dolphins can't stay in the bath forever...better start saving now.

Princess Stalker

This past weekend Maggie's Little Gym had a Halloween party. Check out Maggie's princess costume....yeah, that's right, I MADE THAT!

Anyhoo... Cinderella (aka Miss Tracy) was at the party. The REAL Cinderella! Woo hoo! Ever wonder what a two-year-old stalker looks like? Check out the pictures below.

Compliment?

"Mom, you look like a hot dog." Interesting.

Unrelated... Maggie has this three dollar upright scarecrow from the craft store. She holds its hand and walks around the house with it. Just now she walked up to me - or rather her buddy Scarecrow and she walked up to me - and said, "Mom, this is my cousin!"

Leave the Gross Stuff for Daddy

If only! Yesterday Catie pooped her pants again, shocking - I know, and while Maggie was helping change her diaper, and by helping I of course mean not helping, she said, "Eww, yucky diaper, let's leave it for Daddy to clean up!" Ha! Great idea darling! Then this morning, Catie spit up a little bit on my shoulder and I told Maggie that Catie barfed, she replied, "Catie barfed? Call Daddy, he'll clean it up."

All you mothers out there, can you imagine a world where all you have to do when someone craps their pants is call you husband and it would be all cleaned up? I think that might be what heaven looks like.

Toddler Logic

Maggie:

"One, two, three, four, five, etc... fourteen, five-teen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen!"

"Peyton, you smell like dog poop!" (thank god she was talking to the dog!)

Maggie runs to get me a paper towel because I dripped glue on my clothes while trying to fix the toy she plowed into the wall. When she hands over the towel she says, "That's not my fault Mom, that's your fault. NOT my fault, YOUR fault!"

"Mommy, I want Baby Sister to be Maggie. Um, I want Baby Sister to play with me, be big like Maggie! I want Baby Sister to be older, like me!"

Sleep, Glorious Sleep!!

I'm sure I will be punished for posting this by some cosmic sleep god...but... CATIE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT THE LAST TWO NIGHTS!!!!! Ahh, to feel well rested in the morning, what a treat!

Pumpkin Farm

Dance Class

Pink House

Chaos erupting in the back seat, someone needs a nap. Time for some distraction action. "Maggie, look! A pink house!"

"Where? Where the pink house mom, I don't see it, I DON'T SEE IT!" Crap, my plan backfired. "Well honey, we passed it, but keep your eyes peeled, maybe we'll see another pink house."

"Mom, I CAN'T! I can't peel my eyes! My eyes would cry! Peel my eyes hurt!" Sniffle. Sniffle. She has a point, darn literal two-year-old.

Dentist

Maggie gets to come to the dentist with me for the first time next week. I was just talking it up, telling her about the fun chair that goes up and down ("I might fall down Mom!") and that they make your teeth clean and shiny white. Then I pulled out the big guns, "You get to take home a brand new toothbrush!" I don't know why, but my child is fascinated by toothbrushes and has a collection of six, yes six, toothbrushes. Her response... "Are you SERIOUS?! Are you just kidding me? Woah!"