I'm a hit man

Mothers should become professional hit men (or hit women). The hours are flexible, the pay is great and who would suspect dear old mom of such a heinous crime? There is logic here and now I'll get to it....

Every time I walk into a restaurant with my daughter my senses are on high alert. I notice things I never would have noticed in the days before Miss M. I feel like Jason Bourne, or Ethan Hunt - which is probably a better comparison since mealtimes can often resemble Mission Impossible. I notice where the air conditioning or heating vents are and if they are blowing on my table, and where the speakers are for the music - and is the music loud or soft (loud would drown out unruly baby, but will also make baby's head explode after too long). Is the floor dirty (will I have to be washing toys and utensils throughout my meal), is the table overloaded with candles and crap baby can reach, is there someone seated near me coughing or sneezing or dying, is there a business person or non-baby adult seated near me that might be disrupted by my child? Is the highchair clean and well maintained, or does it have splinters and crusty food permanently attached to it. Is my table in the sun, or going to be in the sun within the hour it takes us to get through our meal? This heightened level of alertness is why I think I would make a great hit man, or maybe a private investigator. I could easily discern clues and behavior patterns with my new super-mommy abilities. Before you know it I could have my target's eat/poop/nap schedule down pat, thereby determining the perfect time to hit. And if the slightest aspect of the room or situation is "off", I could compensate...say, by offering him a plastic spoon to play with, or a package of saltines. :)

Sidebar - so you wonder why mothers seem so stressed out all the time? I can't even eat a plate of pasta anymore without first streaming through the checklist above. Add to that the permanent list of "remember" items for work, home, baby, and dogs, and is it really so much of a mystery?